Words I Want to Hear
by euphemia's maiden
Summary: what's life without euphie? dreams that wont stop coming, and a diary that pull him closer into her world. maybe, all that suzaku needed was to listen to her words that he was never able to hear. then one day, forever wont be too far away.. euphie/suza R


**i really love this couple ) i lost interest in the story after euphie died, but i couldnt help but wonder how suzaku felt about everything. i mean he's sad, but what about his innermost thoughts on his most personal feelings ? please enjoy and **

**REVIEW !**

**thankyou (**

Did he really love her ? This princess who has stolen the hearts of so many, did she steal his as well? Yes she did. After all, how can he not fall for a woman like her? She was a woman none like any other, with a heart as pure as her smile, and a face more lovely than the prettiest rose.

That night, he held onto her tightly in his arms, with a deep fear and emptiness in his heart, that he might lose her forever if he were to let go. She became his only reason for existence, his desire for happiness, his everything. And yet, this feeling of emptiness did not leave him. Why? She was there with him in his embrace, or was she really? Suzaku woke up.

"It was a dream." he thought to himself feeling the empty space on his bed where Euphie laid in his dream. He loved her very much, and he will continue loving her, but now only within his memories. How can a person now so far away still take up such a big part of his mind? To him, Euphemia was an irreplaceable woman, and he will never, can never, forget her.

Days he must live with an empty sadness he can never fill, _What a meaningless existence_, he would think to himself each day and night. If only, he could go back. Back to the moments where he would smile at her, and she would smile back. Those smiles, which were so simple, contained the meaning of happiness life gave. Back to those days where he would walk beside her with ease that she would still be there when he glanced back. If only he could just close his eyes and hope that when he opens it, he can once again see the radiance that is Euphemia.

Suzaku laid in bed unable to fall back asleep. He hated sleeping because his dreams of her ceased to end. He hated waking back to a reality where she wasn't really there. Most of all, he hated himself because it was all his fault, or at least he blamed himself for it. He wanted to carry the burden on his shoulder. He wanted to keep all the guilt of losing her to himself because it was the only thing that kept him sane.

Her diary rested on top of his night stand, but he never opened it. He didn't want to read it in fear that if he came too close to her thoughts, her innermost feelings, her most personal words, he would be lost again in her world. But maybe, being in her world once again is what he really wanted.

He grabbed the diary from the night stand and cracked it open to the first page. It was dated on the same exact date that they met, meaning that she began writing in the diary after their encounter. It read:

_dear diary,_

_who am I? I am a princess, but what is my purpose? There is so much to do, but there is only one of me. How can a person like me make a difference in this world? How can I create a world where I can see my people's sincere smile? I hate myself. Today.. I met a boy, a very handsome boy who had so much desire and passion in changing our world from within. I asked myself, how can an ordinary boy like him have so much determination and belief in his ordeals, but I, a princess who will one day rule this country, hate myself?_ _If I alone can create a better world, then maybe my first step is to stop hating myself. I want to meet him again.. This boy, this ordinary boy who made such an impact in my life._

A tear rolled down his cheeks and dropped onto the page where he finished his last sentence. There was so much of her that he still did not know about. There is still so much of her that he wasn't able to experience. There was still so much of her that he could've loved. He continued flipping through the pages until he stopped at an entry that caught his attention.

_Dear diary,_

_Is it possible to fall in love with someone whom you have barely met, let alone know? If it is not, I think I have made it possible. What I do know about Suzaku is all that I need to know. He is gentle and kind, determined with strong ambitions, and cares for the people he loves more than himself. Did I really fall in love with these qualities? For some reason I did not. I have fallen for something much more different. I have fallen for his clumsiness, his mistakes, his wrongs, and when he hates himself because I can laugh at his clumsiness, fix his mistakes, correct his wrongs, and love him unconditionally. He gives me a feeling that I am needed. This feeling I get from such a simple ordinary person, is enough to satisfy me forever. I will love him for he is a regular human being, and nothing more. _

The tears came gushing out as he whimpered aloud in the quiet night. These were the kind of tears that couldn't be stopped. The kind of tears that came directly from the heart. As each of the tears dropped, they represented a feeling he kept locked in himself.A million tears must have fallen, and that night he cried himself to sleep.

He was dreaming again, and he knew he was. This peculiar dream wasn't like any other dream that he's been having. He felt a certain security, a filling to his emptiness. It was a feeling that everything was going to be okay. Something that he wanted to feel for a very long time now. Suzaku felt warm soft hands from behind cover his eyes. he felt the gentle hands that felt so familiar to him and his heart rejoiced.

"Euphie..?" he asked pulling her hands away from his eyes as he turned around. She stood right in front of him gazing up with the same childish expression she always gave him. He was certain this time that it was really her, and not just a figment of his dream. It was something that he couldn't question, but just knew. He was happy.

"Hello my handsome Suzaku." she spoke with a loving tone. "Why have you been so sad lately?" her hands gently caressed his face which gave him comfort that she wasn't going to disappear.

"Do you really ask me why Euphie? Isn't it obvious that I can't live without you ?" his eyes showed sincerity as his gaze never left hers.

"Silly Suzaku, of course you can." she chuckled in the midst of a touching reunion. " you have so many years to go, a whole life ahead of you and I am but a small part of that. Don't you understand that you must live for yourself and I?"

"There is still so much that I haven't been able to experience with you. The happiness, the sadness, every single thing could happen if we were together. I have my whole life ahead of me, but what's so good about that if I can't spend it with you ?"

"Then you can spend it with someone else, you can meet a special person that you will love and share your heart with. Then you can have children and teach them your values, your kindness, and all of you wouldn't you want that?."

"I don't want any of that Euphie! I don't want to live my life with anyone else rather than you. All I want is for you to be with me always, why cant you understand that ?" he embraced her and cried at her words that were pushing him away from her.

"What happened." she whispered softly in his ear. "What happened to the suzaku that I knew. He was strong and lived to see a better tomorrow. He wanted to change this world from within, but seeing him now makes me wonder if he can really create such a better world. It was our dream don't you remember ?" her words touched him as closely as he was holding her and he continued to listen. "It was ok to hate yourself before because I was there to love you, but now that I am not here anymore, please stop hating yourself because I'm afraid I wont be able to hold on to you any longer. I think that it was my destiny to leave so that it may open more doors to your future" she pulled away from him so that she can look directly into his eyes. His green eyes that were always so warm and gentle.

"Euphie, im sorry.. I made you worry about me didn't I ? I should've known that you weren't happy seeing me blame myself for your death."

"Because it was never your fault in the place, and even if it was I would've forgave you. The only way for you to fix it now is to be happy and live a long life, as long as you can and have many children with the person that you will eventually fall in love with. You can still think of me if you want. Just remember to save a place for me somewhere in your heart."

"Is it that easy to let go of someone like you..? you will never be a small part of my life Euphie." his words seemed forced out as he held in his tears and cries.

"I am so glad to hear that." she smiled at him. "After you have grown old and lived your life to the fullest, which will be many many many decades from now, and your soul can finally rest, you can come be with me again where we won't have to be afraid of tomorrow. I'll always be waiting for you suzaku, that is by then, if you still love me the same as you do now.

He smiled at her warmly as if she had said something wrong "silly Euphie"he pulled her in for a last kiss. "_My heart will never once stop loving you"_

He woke up. It was a good feeling this time. A feeling like he was a brand new person. Because now he can live his life with no regrets, until the day when he can finally see her smiling face once again, and forever.

**yay ! completeeee ! anyway, i think this was one of my most touchings stories yet D i enjoy writing them ( and i hope you enjoyed reading it ! im thinking about creating a sequal to this one ! :o maybe just ONE more chapterrr what do you think ? hmmm anyway, PLEASE REVIEW!**


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